very unfinished. wip? hopefully not abandoned
INTERIOR TRAIN
"You think this is all a joke," I remember my mother saying as I sit on the train.
EXTERIOR IMPROV
Beautiful seasonal cityscape, the air so crisp it crumbles in my grip and the dark bricks and black glass standing out of it beneath towers just out of focus.
INTERIOR IMPROV
"In theory, a comedian tells jokes for a living, right? but really my living is a joke. I go home to my roommate, who, and this is just an example" I begin, "the other night I actually intruded on him with a woman—we'll call her tina—in my apartment—I promise what he did was worse" I continue while the crowd laughs at me. They are roaring, I will never feel failure again. "He rushed out of my room, snapping my belt at some whore. "What the hell are you doing!?" I shouted at him. He glanced at me, perplexed, 'oh hi Ger.'
So I very I calmly asked, 'why are you screwing around in my home?'
'Uh, Well, me and Tina were just bored at my place' And thats a major breach of trust, right?" Im now begging them to answer, please, please. They can't hear me. A few are laughing like this "ha ha ha." I need to talk now "'Uh, okay Tina, we're going now.' She had been standing apparently oblivious, fixing her lips for too long now. Immediately after saying this he slammed the door while she lingered there. I wondered what I would do with my neighbor after this. I stepped towards Tina, and he came back in and took her. So... thats my life and I afford it all" I am saying and now I pause dramatically and now I say with great emphasis "By telling you this. Now whats funnier?" I ask hilariously not just to agitate the audience into fitful laughter but also to signal my plants to laugh a little. The laughs are starting to roll but could be louder so I will look at Tommy who id laughing a little more sarcastically than he usually seems to, which makes me stew because of course this is all a joke to him and he's probably blazed up but im not bothered. I see they're done laughing and I will now say
INTERIOR CAB
The set ended and I am inexplicably aimless in a cab with Pete, Leonette who I guess must be an old flame when you considered how he mentioned having known her for several years and keeps on asking her to talk more about things they did together in freshman high school, which is inexplicably the age Tommy currently is and he is in the cab too, and the cab driver. Tommy is in the front seat, but he's the youngest. That's funny. That's really funny. Tommy loves funny stories. "Hey Tommy. You're the youngest and you're in the front" I finish saying and now Tommy says "Yeah dude," and pauses to laugh nervously and unabashedly "what are you, Sherlock?" I ignore the slight insult and now he's riffing "Pretty fucking obvious dude" and we all laugh. The car is thick with smoke because Leonette and Tommy have been smoking pot and asking Pete and me if we want any. I take a tiny puff to be polite. Pete apparently is not on any but is fake laughing at everyone else whenever they exhale. I realize we are not going home as the cab pulls alongside an antique story or antiquary. I get out immediately and wait because Leonette is now bribing the cab driver.
INTERIOR PERK'S ANTIQUES
We go inside and I am wearing a polo shirt and skinny jeans and Pete is wearing a trench coat over a collared shirt with an undone tie and swimming shorts. Tommy is wearing a white shirt and cargo shorts. Leonette is wearing yoga pants and sunglasses and a low cut blouse and I need to be very debonair with her because she seems like a great girl and because I dont want to offend pete and I've met her a few times and am stunned by her charisma and defer to her. I finish noting their clothes and am walking around looking at clothes and Pete calls to look at something and we go over and it is a little statuette "My mother had one just like it when I was little" he is saying "and once I was really mad and knocked it over with my shoulder." I ask "Why?" and Pete shrugs.
EXTERIOR MONKS
Afternoon, the placid air rippling with laziness and relative heat around Monk's coffee shop where the green awning appears demurely.
INTERIOR MONKS
"Yeah so I have a date I guess with Helen later" I am saying over my coffee and sandwich. "Helen Deberés?" Tommy asks and I say "You, are you like acquainted?" "Yeah dude she was a skateboard instructor a couple years ago" I feel fascinated by every new glimpse of her life where it doesnt involve me. I brag then "We met in high school and for a while we were talking about us but we've not seen each other very much." Pete, who hears me brag most starts to say this "Did you see her earlier this month?" "Yes" I know that he is now going to say "Second date?" and I say "No and after two weeks the counter resets" and then ask him "um, so are you going to show your mother the statue?" And he says "better, I'll give it to her once I get home." Leonette, bleary eyed and absent minded suddenly asks when he's moving to Guatemala and he says soon. I ask him "are you really?" and he says "yes" and I start to believe him because I will miss his company and need to brace myself for losing it.
...
EXTERIOR THE APARTMENT BUILDING
Evening. Car lights come up over the road, unfocused. People crowd along buildings like cheerios to the rim of the bowl. "You have to understand" is what I am saying before I think about what I'm saying, "is that its a very strange coincidence." Helen now is saying "I guess" "that the same statue appears in his maids house." "He deserves it anyways." Her particularly intense disdain for him worries me that she has feelings for him so I am saying "Why? Petey's so sweet." We are now walking up the stairs and I will have to have my key ready so I grab it. "Not really," she says, "He's toxic" I am talking like crazy hoping I will charm her "I guess hes a little like he needs approval or something" and I observe it daily but I have to pretend otherwise to keep the conversation going. "Its called 'hes a narcissist'" she is saying. When I get in and leave her out of the house I remember that she said she is seeing a woman which I am astonished by and then about how I love her and how badly the past two hours with her were but I dont even need to stifle the tears because my face is like a cracked riverbed.
SMASH CUT TO INTERIOR IMPROV
Here I am on the stage as I let my heart out for laughs because I am saying "What's the deal with Lesbians? Like, how do they decide who the bride and groom are? Is that politically incorrect? Because if you cant ask that question, then really: how do they decide? Now the bisexual woman. Thats really what every man wants. Because men like women, and they like to talk about women. So with the bisexual, you have both things a man wants. I am not homophobic, I have never been homophobic, but I cant understand a gay man. I can understand a lesbian, because man are women hot" and i lunge forward for emphasis and as i straighten I say "but honestly, I understand gay men about as much as women. I just dont understand how you can find" and i gesture towards myself "this attractive"
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